The Gays DO NOT Claim Joe Exotic

  • Bennett Kruse ’21

Joe Exotic. An icon who owns a farm full of tigers, makes bomb music videos, and has somehow managed to have 3 straight husbands. He made us laugh, he made us cry, but, is he really the gay icon we think he is? Here is the scoop from someone on the inside. I’m like the Lorax except I don’t speak for the trees, I speak for the gays. Here is a list of reasons why the gays do not claim Joe Exotic. Let’s try to disregard the animal abuse and get into the meat of things (sorry for my poor puns, RIP Carole Baskin’s husband). 

1. What is he even wearing???

All I can say is if you were to google “Joe Exotic outfits” right now, the first thing that would come up would be a picture of him wearing a teal sequined v neck cut so low that his diamond nipple piercing would be visible. Next.

2. His filthy mullet

Everytime Joe shot a hate video for Carole Baskin (on his trusty Nokia 3650 phone), you could faintly see his greasy mullet waving in the Oklahoma wind. Please leave the mullets for Billy Ray Cyrus in the 90s, Joe, they aint cute and all I can think about is the tragic “Achy Breaky Heart” music video. Let’s move on.

3. His taste in men

As of right now his type consists of toothless straight men that somehow all end up “finding love” with him after Joe bribes them with a lifetime supply of meth. Find someone who’s actually gay, Joe, Grindr is free on the app store.

By Axel de Vernou

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