Bocce Ball: The Art of the Gods

  • Spencer Lee ’20 & Grady Hornbeek ’20

What is “America’s Pastime”? For years, baseball was hailed as America’s most popular sport. Then, football reigned supreme over all other sports. But, after years of football and baseball sitting at the top, there is finally another contender. Bocce ball, a sport created by the Ancient Romans, is the new hot American sport.

As hardcore bocce ball fan Lance Chou ‘20 explains, “I love bocce ball because I get to roll balls, and it is fun to watch.” Not much is known about bocce ball, but bocce ball conspiracy theorists, such as SHP’s own Eric Lim ‘20, suggest that bocce ball was created by the Ancient Roman gods. It is said that Jupiter, the king of the gods, created the first bocce ball from his own divine blood. He sent it down to Earth as a gift to humans but also as a test. Jupiter wanted to see if humans have what it takes to interact with the gods.

As Eric Lim said, “those who succeed at bocce ball will graduate to the stars to live among the gods”. Coach McDade, the Bill Belicheck of the bocce world (and possibly a Roman god himself, according to conspiracy theorist Eric Lim), is currently leading the SHP team through a renaissance of bocce ball. Born in 500 BC, with the help of Jupiter and Neptune, Coach McDade was given the tools and skills to spread the wonderful sport of bocce ball. He became a mentor for millions of bocce ball fanatics, as people attempted to build a closer relationship with the gods through bocce ball.

Thus today, Coach McDade, still under the guidance of Ancient Roman gods, has created a prosperous bocce ball club and team at the Prep. While some may say it’s football or water polo season, it’s truly bocce ball season. No team at Sacred Heart is as well recognized as the bocce team. The bocce ball team has accomplished many impressive feats over its 40-year run. In 1991, in what would be known as “The Miracle on the Bocce Court,” the Sacred Heart bocce ball team defeated the Soviet Union’s national team, leading to the Soviet Union’s eventual collapse, and the end of the Cold War.

Other highlights include the “immaculate roll” when legendary team captain Charlie Selna ‘20 managed to thread the needle through De La Salle High Schools’ defensive bocce scheme, giving Sacred Heart the national championship. In the end, the legacy of bocce ball will be eternal. It will forever be recognized as SHP’s sport and, most importantly, “America’s Pastime”. No amount of Water Polo “North-South tournament” wins or Men’s Tennis National Championships will ever pass the legendary 12 national championships held by Coach McDade.

Photo from The Spruce

By Axel de Vernou

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